Someone's Got To Do It

Someone's Got To Do It is a song written by Ranger Doug, performed by the characters of Slocum and Charlie (Too Slim and Ranger Doug, respectively). The song describes the villainous actions and motives of the two characters, making it one of the few songs in the Riders In The Sky songbook to be told from a "bad guy" perspective.

The song was initially recorded for the Horse Opera album in 1990, but was later partially performed in Chapter Four of Curse of The Lost Goldscri.

Lyrics
Note: Italicized text indicates singing, all non-italicized text indicates spoken lyrics.

(Slocum): I've got a pencil-thin mustache and a reptilian demeanor

If I could squeeze a nickle-profit, I'd take your Grandma to the cleaners

I love forgery, extortion, and changing cattle brands

But mostly I'm in love with very big and evil plans

I want your coal and cattle, gold and timber and railroad right away

I want your water rights, mineral rights, and air rights, by the way

I love confiscation, intimidation, and owning all the land

 'Cause lately I've been getting into big and evil plans

(Slocum and Charlie): Because the plot demands an evil man

(Slocum): To prove the good are good, someone's gotta put 'em through it

(Slocum and Charlie): Even Shakespeare in his glory put good villains in his story

(Slocum): It's a dirty job, but someone's got to do it

(Charlie): A brain like you needs muscle, to make the action richer

A brawny goon, a dark saloon is why I'm in the picture

Breakin' arms and burnin' barns and springing you from the can

Is why you need a guy like me for big and evil plans

(Slocum and Charlie): Because the plot demands an evil man

(Slocum): To prove the good are good, someone's gotta put 'em through it

(Slocum and Charlie): Even Shakespeare in his glory put good villains in his story

(Slocum): It's a dirty job, but someone's got to do it

Riders Radio Theater Exclusive Lyrics
A new verse of the song exclusively appears in Chapter 13 of Curse of The Lost Goldscri, spinning out of a conversation scene between Slocum and Charlie, in which Charlie asks "What does 'gratuitous' mean?" Following this verse, the song then continues in the chorus.

(Slocum): Although the violence is gratuitous, the plot is so securus

You've got to come to your conclusion with a bang

(Charlie): And if you keep the action furious, the audience says curious

And really it don't matter by how thin a thread you hang

Riders Recordings

 * Horse Opera (1990)
 * Riders Radio Theater: Curse of The Lost Goldscri Chapters 4 & 13
 * Saturday Mornings With Riders In The Sky (1992) (compilation album reusing Horse Opera recording of the song)