Sidekick Heaven

Sidekick Heaven is a parody song written by Fred "Too Slim" LaBour, based on Hal Southern and Eddie Dean's "I Dreamed of a Hillbilly Heaven", a song which Tex Ritter popularized under the title of "Hillbilly Heaven" in 1961. The song is a tribute to the various deceased actors who portrayed "sidekicks" in Western B-movies and television series from the 1930s to the early 1960s.

Sidekick Heaven was written and recorded in 1979, though this incarnation of the song was never released. The song later made it's "debut" in first episode of Riders Radio Theater (Meltdown on The Mesa episode one).

Lyrics
Note: Italicized text indicates singing, all non-italicized text indicates spoken lyrics.

(All Riders): I dreamed I was there

in Sidekick Heaven

Oh what a beautiful sight

(Sidemeat): I don't know if it was the green chili burrito I got down at the 7-Eleven or what but I had a whopper of a dream last night. I dreamed I rode my mule up through the clouds, past Riders In The Sky, and clean as 'fer as Sidekick Heaven. I rode him through the great pearly corral gate they got there, tied him up at a big diamond hitching post and then I seen him, leanin' against leaning against the golden bunkhouse door waiting to greet me. It was the greatest sidekick of 'em all, "the old Gabbaro", Gabby Hayes!

Gabby looks at me and says (impression of Gabby Hayes-esque "nonsense", with the only intelligible word being "Sidemeat"). "What the heck did you say?" I says to him, "Why don't ya speak English so I manage to understand ya?" He went "Mwha-Phew" and I knew he wanted me to come inside!

(All Riders): I dreamed I was there

in Sidekick Heaven

Oh what a star-studded night

(Sidemeat): We walked in the bunkhouse and I see them sittin' there at a barrel playin' poker. A couple of the fuzzies: Fuzzy Knight and Al "Fuzzy" St. John. And leanin' against the wall over there was Walter Brennan.

(Ranger Doug, doing an impression of Brennan): "One of these days, I'm gonna climb that mountain."

(Sidemeat): Yeah, I guess he climbed that rascal, all right. Next to him was Slim Pickens and then come Tonto.

(Ranger Doug, doing an impression of Tonto): "Hmm, Kemosabe."

(Sidemeat): Yeah, then Pancho.

(Ranger Doug, doing an impression of Pancho): "(laughter) Cisco!"

(Sidemeat): Way in the corner there was Hop-Sing. I guess that was the "third world" corner of Sidekick Heaven. Then we heard a great commotion and we run to the window and I look outside. There's a feller driving a Jeep, waving his hat screaming "Whoa, Nellybelle, whoa!" It was Pat Brady!

(All Riders): I dreamed I was there

in Sidekick Heaven

Oh but their timing was great

(Sidemeat): Then we went out the back door and I seen this feller fall off his horse and into the horse trough, like he did in 7000 pictures, it was Smiley Burnette, Gene Autry's sidekick. Oh! There goes Andy Devine, "Wait for me, Wild Bill, wait for me!" And then I seen some guys sittin' on the top rail of the corral fence. They sorta looked familiar, but I didn't really know who they were. It was all the sidekicks that no one can remember. Raymond Hatton. Who would know Raymond Hatton? I didn't know him! He had a little name-tag that said "Hello, my name is Raymond Hatton. Welcome to Sidekick Heaven, have a nice day!"

Next to him was "Arkansas Slim" Andrews and Shug Fisher, Max Terhune and little Elmer. They'd switched their nametags! Then the Gabbaro says "Come on, Sidemeat, we're going to the Big Boss's ranch house. He's got a role-call of all the sidekicks yet to come, I'd think you'd like to see it." So we went in a big beautiful room, and all you could see was a big golden light, and all you could hear was a beautiful guitar, and a fiddle playing way up high, but it was tune.

The old Gabbaro opens up the book and blows off some diamond dust and there, written in pure platinum, a list of all the sidekicks yet to come. And he began to read: "Chester" Dennis Weaver, "Festus" Ken Curtis, Pat Buttram, Dub "Cannonball" Taylor, Robert Blake as Little Beaver, Sidemeat- (*Gasps*) Sidemeat!? And that's when I awoke, and I'm sorry I did. Cause...

(All Riders and Sidemeat): I dreamed I was there

in Sidekick Heaven

Oh what a beautiful sight

(Sidemeat): Save me a plate of beans, boys. I'm on my way...

Riders Recordings

 * Riders Radio Theater: Meltdown on The Mesa Chapter One (1988)
 * Horse Opera (1990)
 * Silver Jubilee (2003)

Trivia

 * For the re-recording of Sidekick Heaven featured on the Silver Jubilee album, all the names of the "sidekicks yet to come" were changed to politicians, as all of the "sidekicks" mentioned in the Riders Radio Theater and Horse Opera recordings (with the exception of Robert Blake) had passed away.